girl i wanna make you sweat...

hey. i'm alive.

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 03:09:56 GMT

so it's been a while since i've updated, and i'm too lazy to talk about my life. so i stole this survery from andrea's myspace page. and it goes something like this...

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Nicholas Walker Massa
Birthday: November 22, 1986
Birthplace: East Syracuse, NY
Current Location: Lawrenceville, GA soon to be Buffalo, NY
Eye Color: Generically, I'd have to say hazel...but there is a little gray and a little yellowish thrown in there every so often                   Hair Color: Dark brown
Height: A little over 6 feet
Right Handed or Left Handed: Left Handed
Your Heritage: A wee bit of Irish, a whole lot of Italian, and some Polish and Czech
The Shoes You Wore Today: Black pumas with a red stripe
Your Weakness: Pretty girls and getting smoked up
Your Fears: Spiders and failing
Your Perfect Pizza: Extra cheese, bacon (the real kind, not any canadian bacon shit) and pineapple
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Successfully move into the new house and be able to live there and have some money left over for cigarettes
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Probably "haha" or "i hear ya"
Thoughts First Waking Up: "what is this sticky shit i keep waking up in?!"
Your Best Physical Feature: i don't know...you tell me. really. tell me.
Your Bedtime: Whenever the fuck i feel like it! i'm 18 bitch. i do what i want!
Your Most Missed Memory: Any memory involving Barksdale
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
Single or Group Dates: Group dates are alright, but i prefer one-on-one time.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: honestly...i don't know/care
Chocolate or Vanilla: If it's ice cream, i like vanilla. anything else, chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: if it's morning, coffee, if i'm lounging around in my lounging outfit then i like cappuccino
Do you Smoke: yes                                                                                                                                                                         Do you Swear: all the fucking time
Do you Sing: eh...not really
Do you Shower Daily: at least once a day
Have you Been in Love: yes
Do you want to go to College: um...i tried it, and it was rough. so i'm taking a break, but i want to go back in a year
Do you want to get Married: eventually
Do you belive in yourself: sometimes...depends whats going on
Do you get Motion Sickness: no
Do you think you are Attractive: i have my days
Are you a Health Freak: no way
Do you get along with your Parents: always my mom...sometimes my dad
Do you like Thunderstorms: nothing better
Do you play an Instrument: cello, i mess around with piano, the kazzoo, the dollar store recorder, the washboard, sometimes i bust out a jug and wail on that for a while                                                                                                                                                        In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: have i ever
In the past month have you Smoked: yes...need i remind anyone of a streak i was upholding.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: yes
In the past month have you gone on a Date: yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes. and it sucked. i hate the mall
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: maybe half a box
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no
In the past month have you been on Stage: yes
In the past month have you been Dumped: no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: yes
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: not that i can think of
Ever been Drunk: of course
Ever been called a Tease: yes
Ever been Beaten up: actually, no
Ever Shoplifted: once! it was the Gorillaz CD...(and a pair of 65 cent suspenders from Goodwill.)
How do you want to Die: Either in my sleep, or instantly...like falling out of an airplane and i die on impact or something.  however it happens, i hope i'm very old
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: i guess i just want to be in a band
What country would you most like to Visit: italy or ireland
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: either a really cool blue color or a deep deep brown
Favourite Hair Color: blond/light brown
Short or Long Hair: i guess "medium" length is a good way of saying it. not long like down to their ass, but not short like a masculine lesbian
Height: between 5'2" and 5'8"
Weight: i dont know...thin i suppose.
Best Clothing Style: not all abercrombie-ish, but not nasty shit and gross sweatpants (at least not all the time)
Number of Drugs I have taken: ooo...5 if you dont count pills
Number of CDs I own: shit. like 150 +
Number of Piercings: one in each ear + lip + eyebrow = 4
Number of Tattoos: 2
Number of things in my Past I Regret: um...maybe 1, and thats debatable

Thu, 12 May 2005 15:02:01 GMT

wow...i guess it's been a long time since i've updated. i really don't have anything to say, but i'm updating due to total lack of anything better to do.

well...me and jess broke up. i guess that's a pretty big headline. i'm not going to go into details over livejournal, because that's petty. if you want to know what happened, talk to me i guess. you know how to get a hold of me.

i've been doing a lot of work for the family the past few days so they will pay for my bus ticket back to NY.

my dad said i couldn't go to NY unless i got a job lined up...so jeff worked on it for me, and it's looking like i'm gonna be working at The Annex. that coffee shop in manlius. so, if anyone is bored...EVER, come stop by, and i might be working. i'd love the company, and i'd love to see everybody.

well, it is thursday. and i'm thinking my bus will be arriving at syracuse airport in exactly one week. don't quote me on that or anything, that's just if everything goes according to plan.

i can't wait to get back to NY. i miss it, the family, and the friends most of all so much. however, there are a few things in GA that i'm going to miss. yeah... well that's it for now, i suppose.

just remember: 7 DAYS!!! (in the voice from The Ring)

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 06:07:35 GMT

the lyric of the week is...

I'm in a car underwater with time to kill

thinking back I forgot to tell you this

I didn't care that you left and abandoned me

what hurts more is I would still die for you.

Armor for Sleep - Car Underwater

i stole this from chrissy b

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 06:11:43 GMT

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
Nicholas, Nick, (Noonie...damnit)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
clifhngr6 (way back in the day), number3kitchen, ilovevaporaevum

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
eye color, hair color, skinny

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
arms, nose, hairy in some places...

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
italian, irish, polish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
spiders, drowning, heights

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
salvo t-shirt, pink breast cancer bracelet, underwear that matches my shirt

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
bazooka joe boxers, taking back sunday shirt, pink breast cancer bracelet

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
Taking Back Sunday, Something Corporate, Thursday

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
Taking Back Sunday-"New American Classic", Something Corporate-"Hurricane", Brand New-"Soco Amaretto Lime"

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
trust, respect, willingness to try new things in bed

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
i'm hungry, i'm nervous about school, i'm dreading coming up to NY this summer

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
eyes, hair, butt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
snowboarding, being in a band (that's a hobby to me, so back off !), intramurel sports

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
see jess, go to ny, go to sleep

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
band (hopefully), marine biologist, cashier at a grocery store

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
cape cod massachussettes, hawaii, ireland

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
blaine (i really do like it, it's not just cuz he's my friend), tosh, and shaymus

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
be in a popular band, go to italy, marry the woman of my dreams

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
love sex, pee standing up, scratch my butt

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
put on makeup for hours, change my tampon, pick out really cute underwear for the whole week!

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
avril lavigne, scarlet johanson, jennifer aniston

new meaning

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 22:05:59 GMT

so tolbert told me that this song was about addiction...and after doing that shit last weekend, this song was in my head for so long. it has a whole new meaning.

Don't fret precious I'm here, step away from the window
Go back to sleep

Lay your head down child
I won't let the boogeyman come

Counting bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Pay no mind to the rabble
Pay no mind to the rabble

Head down, go to sleep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Pay no mind what other voices say
They don't care about you, like I do, like I do
Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils,
See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do.

Just stay with me, safe and ignorant,
Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Lay your head down child
I won't let the boogeyman come
Count the bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Pay no mind to the rabble
Pay no mind to the rabble

Head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums

I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and all your demons

I'll be the one to protect you from
A will to survive and a voice of reason

I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and your choices son
They're one in the same
I must isolate you
Isolate and save you from yourself

Swayin to the rhythm of the new world order and
Count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums

The boogeymen are coming
The boogeymen are coming

Keep your head down, go to sleep, to the rhythm of a war drums

Stay with me
Safe and ignorant
Just stay with me
Hold you and protect you from the other ones
The evil ones
Don't love you son,
Go back to sleep

A Perfect Circle - "Pet"

i stole it from a cute girl

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 00:55:13 GMT

1. name: Nicholas Walker Massa
2. Your nick name: nick, noonie
3. Birthday: November 22, 1986                                                                                                                                                         4. Place of Birth: Syracuse, NY
5. Zodiac Sign: saggitarius
6. Male or Female: male
7. Grade: 13th/freshman in college
8. School: Middle Georgia College...hopefully that will be changing very soon
9. Occupation: no occupation...i'm a mooch
10. Residence: House - Lawrenceville, GA / Room - Cochran, GA / Heart - Manlius, NY
11. Screen Name: iLoveVaporAevum

__Your Appearence___

12. Hair Color: Dark Brown
13. Hair Long or Short: longish for a boy...kinda shaggy
14. Eye Color: hazelish, with some yellow and gray. green when i cry.
16. Height: 6'0"/6'1"
17. Weight: 150ish                                                                                                                                                                             19. Braces?: no
20. Glasses?: i aint no dork!
21. Piercings: 1/2 in guages, lip, eyebrow
22. Tattoos: star on chest, "barksdale" on right shouldar, and i want a girl shooting herself in the head on my rib/back                            23. Righty or Lefty: lefty

___Your 'Firsts'___

24. First Kiss: j.j. hibbs...summer before 9th grade. i sucked at it.
25. First B.F/ G.F: Val Veator, 5th grade. we held hands at the assembly in the gym.
26. First best friend: Andrew Reichel...Mrs. Glenny...kindergarten...AM...we did the bandana club.
27. First Award: not sure...
28. First Sport You Joined: hockey
30. First Vacation: cape cod, MASSAchussettes
31. First Concert: Bush (opened by moby) with blaine in 8th grade.
32. First REAL Love: some girl that i cant say or i'll get in trouble. but my current love is being loved way harder than my first love.

___ Favorites___

33. Movie: Donnie Darko or Requiem for a Dream
34. TV Show: family guy, aqua teen hunger force, robot chicken
35. color: blue, green
36. Band: taking back sunday
37. Song of the moment: Sum 41 - Pieces
38. Food: spaghetti
39. Drink: dr. pepper
40. Candy: skor/heath bars and skittles
41. Sport To Play: volleyball
42. Sport To Watch: volleyball, football, or lacrosse
43. Brand Of Clothing: salvation army t-shirts
45. School Subject: bio
46. Animal: PENGUIN!!!!!!!!!!
47. Book: Perks of Being A Wallflower
48. Magazine: MAD magazine

___Currently___

49. Eating: a staple

50. Drinking: water

51. Typing: this mind-numbing survery

52. Online: when i'm not contracting a virus from lookin at porno

53. Listening To: weezer

54. Thinking About: jessica lynn sanders

55. Wanting To: ride my bike to syracuse

56. Watching: tv

57. Wearing: RIT basketball shorts AND NO SHIRT

___Your Future___

58. Want Kids?: yep

59. Want to Get Married?: yes

60. Careers in Mind: musician, or a marine biologist

__Which is Better With Love Interests___

67. Cute or Sexy: cute

68. Lips or Eyes: eyes

69. Hugs or Kisses: kisses

70. Short or Tall: short

71. Easy going or serious: easy going

72. Romantic or Spontaneous: both...but more spontaneous

73. Fatty or Skinny: i dont like fatties

74. Sensitive or Loud: sensitive, but not always worrying

75. Hook-up or Relationship: relationship

76. Sweet or Caring: caring

77. Trouble Maker or Hestiant One: i want a lady on the street but a freak in the bed

HAVE YOU?

78. Kissed a Stranger: yes.

79. Drank Alcohol: yes

80. Smoked: i do everyday

81. Ran Away From Home: no

82. Broken a Bone: yeah

83. Got an X-ray: yes

84. Broken Someones Heart: ugh....probably

85. Broke Up With Someone: yes

86. Turned Someone Down: yes

87. Cried When Someone Died: yes

88. Cried At School: no

___Do You Believe In___

89. God: no

90. 666: apparently i'm dating satan

3 weeks will take FOREVER!

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 06:35:44 GMT

step 1.) make a wish

step 2.) top or bottom?

step 3.) blow

you're amazing. and i dont know what i'm going to do without being able to see you for weeks on end. i love you and hope your wish comes true. mine better...

this is to a girl

who got into my head

with all the pretty things she did

hey...ya know

you keep me up in bed

(or at least you will as soon as you get back to me)

<3 JLS

...super random survey...that i stole...cuz im a theif...dot dot dot...

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 21:29:43 GMT

--Goth--
Do you wear black eyeliner?: no
How much black clothing do you own?: just some shirts
Do you think about death often?: no
Do you want to die?: no
Are you a social outcast?: no
Are you pale?: eh...not too bad
Do you cut?: no
Do you like Hot Topic?: yeah

--Skater Punk--
Can you skateboard?: yeah
How often do you go into Vans?: never
What's your sneaker brand?: puma
Do you do stupid stuff with your friends?: yes
Are long skater haircuts cute? um....i think i sorta have one. so. TOTALLY!
How much do you get in trouble?: not too much. i'm good at doing bad shit, but not getting caught
Do you listen to the bands who are considered "posers"?: no
How many piercings do you have?: 4

--Prep--
How often do you say the word "like"?: sometimes...

Do you shop at Abercrombie and Fitch?: hell no!
Are the A&F models hot? hell no...well, some of the girls
How often do you wear makeup?: haha, never...i think this thing is for girls
Ever had a manicure?: nope, but i need one LIKE super bad
Rock music is bad, right?: no.
Are you ever ditzy?: no
Do you own high heels?: definitely for girls.
Have you ever said "Oh my gosh"?: yes
Are you a cheerleader?: no

--Hippie--
Is your hair long?: not "hippie" long
Are you a vegetarian?: no
Do you own a tye dye shirt?: no
Do you want peace?: sure
Do you want to save the animals?: yes
What do you think about the war? war. (ungh!) what is it good for?! absolutely nothing!

Have you ever made a peace sign with your two fingers? yes...god 3rd grade was sweet

--Gangsta--
Are you from the ghetto?: no
Do you own "bling bling"?: haha, unfortunately no
What do you think about do-rags?: i have like, a million!
Do you like rap?: depends
How about hip-hop?: no.
Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?: no
What do you think about afros?: good for hiding shit in, like drugs and small children
Have you ever said 'fo shizzle'?: i dont think so
How about 'oh, snap son'?: haha, i'd have to say yes

--Frat--
Is life a party?: no
How often do you get drunk?: not too often anymore
What's the point of getting drunk anyway?: cuz its funny
Do you care about your grades?: yes
Do you need an attitude adjustment?: nah

--Emo--
How often do you cry?: not randomly, but if its justifies, then i do it
Do you have an ex?: yes.
Do you have an acoustic guitar?: nope
Are you emotional?: sometimes
Do you like soft music?: yes
Do people understand you?: some...but not many.
Do you write your own songs?: yeah

--Jock--
Do you play any sports?: yes
How important are they to you?: semi to fairly important
How important is your reputation?: what reputation?!
Do you pick on the geeky kids?: only if the geeky kids are retarded
Are you considered a bully by anyone?: i dont think so

--Geek--
Do you wear glasses?: no
Do you get good grades?: no.
Are you smart?: honestly, i think i'm rather bright
Do you use an inhaler?: no
Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets?: on occasion you can find a pen in my shirt pocket. but i dont own a "pocket protector" for those pesky ink-stains

Does your mom buy your clothes?: no...i dont even buy clothes
How often are you on the computer?: pretty often

so boys and girls! what did that teach us?! anyone? anyone at all?! absolutely nothing, because there was no point what-so-ever to this little quiz. what a waste of my time and brain power.

::the world can go to hell::

NTV SPRING BREAK : Lawrenceville!!

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 01:03:23 GMT

yeah, so this spring break hasn't really been all wet t-shirt contests and drunken nights on the beach. hardly what i had expected from my first year of college...but i guess it's my own fault. what with not having a job and all. nothing at all has really happened unfortunately.

i went fishing once, saw jess a couple times, and i'm anticipating a trip up to the mountains with taylor and maybe a couple other guys...we'll see though.

needless to say, i feel kinda shitty. not "i-feel-like-i'm-gonna-throwup" shitty, but like..."i'm-a-horrible-person" shitty. for reasons that will remain private to me and me alone, i think i've let myself down, and possibly others. this is not a good feeling. also, my grades in school are suffering. it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. i mean, i'm consistently skipping comp. and world civ. just because those teachers don't take attendance and i feel like that's a legit. excuse to not go. THAT IS NO EXCUSE! After break, i am going to every class, every day no matter what. i keep telling myself my dream is hanging in the balance right now, and it all depends on whether i go to these classes or not, but that doesn't seem to be helping me to make the right decision(s). needless to say...i need New York. i need it badly.

i have a wonderful girlfriend, and she does so much for me, so much that i don't deserve, but that only gets you so far. i mean, i love jess. i can honestly say, with a guilt-free conscience, that i love this girl. i've said that i've been in love before, but it's never felt like this...but i want some snow. i want some weed. i want some campouts in kearney's backyard. and i want the comfort of knowing that if i'm gonna cry, i can drive 3 minutes up to blaine's house, and do just that...cry. and then after that, be emo, and write a song about it.*

ugh...i guess this is just another one of those "i'm homesick" entries. what else is new?

but back to school. if i don't do good in these classes, i'm not only fucking myself over, i'm fucking over 4 great guys, who want this just as bad as me...probably more. my parents won't let me go to NY if my grades aren't up to their liking (whatever that is). so...i'm super super stressed about my classes right now, and about life, and about money, and about getting "home" and everything. the only good thing about this break is i dont have to wake up in a tiny bed, in a tiny room, at a tiny college, in a tiny town. i can sleep in my bed...and walk downstairs and spend the rest of my day in my basement...now that's a spring break if i've ever invisioned one.

on a different note...i've been looking at schools to transfer to. more than likely, it'll be happening in the spring semester of next year. Morrisville, Fredonia, and Long Island University are looking like my top choices. yet another reason i better be getting my grades up right about now.

ok...well, i'm done with my vent-session. and i'll leave it at: I love NY, the people in it, Jess, and a couple people from school. that's it. and my mom and grandma.

*i really really really really really really really really really really really want this. more than anyone can ever know!

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 21:33:47 GMT

Fill it out and post it in the comments. lets see what all my livejournal friends are like. i mean...why the hell not?!?!

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Nicholas Walker Massa
Birthday:	November 22, 1986
Birthplace:	Syracuse, NY
Current Location:	Lawrenceville, GA
Eye Color:	Hazel-ish
Hair Color:	Dark Brown
Height:	6'0"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Left
Your Heritage:	Mostly Italian, A Little Irish, And Some Other Things Mixed In There
The Shoes You Wore Today:	White And Blue Pumas
Your Weakness:	Pretty Girls
Your Fears:	Heights And Drowning
Your Perfect Pizza:	Bacon And Pineapple
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Make Good Enough Grades To Go To NY
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	haha
Thoughts First Waking Up:	My Alarm Is So Annoying!!
Your Best Physical Feature:	My Bulging Biceps...But Really, Maybe My Eyes
Your Bedtime:	12 Or 1
Your Most Missed Memory:	"Jumping Rocks Into Limestone Creek"
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	McDonalds
Single or Group Dates:	Group
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	Yes
Do you Swear:	Yes
Do you Sing:	Yes
Do you Shower Daily:	Yes...Sometimes More Than Once
Have you Been in Love:	Yes
Do you want to go to College:	Already There...Hopefully Going To A Better College Soon
Do you want to get Married:	Yes
Do you belive in yourself:	Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	No
Do you think you are Attractive:	Average?
Are you a Health Freak:	No
Do you get along with your Parents:	Always My Mom, Sometimes My Dad
Do you like Thunderstorms:	LOVE Thunderstorms
Do you play an Instrument:	Yes
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	Yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Yes
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	No
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	No
Ever been Drunk:	Yes
Ever been called a Tease:	No
Ever been Beaten up:	Me?! Hell No!
Ever Shoplifted:	Yes
How do you want to Die:	Hmm....As Un-Creative As It Is, I'd Have To Say In My Sleep
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	A Rock-Star
What country would you most like to Visit:	Italy Or Ireland
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	A Really Nice Gray/Blue
Favourite Hair Color:	Blonde
Short or Long Hair:	Not G.I. Jane Short...But Like Shouldar Length-ish
Height:	Between 5'1" and 5'4"
Weight:	I Don't Care, Just As Long As You're Not Fat And In Proportion To Your Height
Best Clothing Style:	Little T-Shirt, Jeans, Most Of The Time- Hair Down, But Sometimes Hair Done Up and Messy. Then I'm In Love.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	5 If You Count Cigarettes As A Drug
Number of CDs I own:	Haha...150 Plus
Number of Piercings:	4: Lip, Eyebrow, 1/2 In. Plugs In Each Ear
Number of Tattoos:	2
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	I Have No Regrets
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

i cant wait to see jess-sick-a tomorrow!!

this is such a lie!

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 17:46:34 GMT

my mom is being a ho. she just sent me an e-mail saying 'thanks for filling up the truck like i told you to! blah blah blah' and its so gay, cuz i definitely filled it up to where it was when i had it last. my dad had been driving it too...why doesn't he get yelled at for not putting gas in the damn car?! so fucking lame. i guess that means i won't be having a car this weekend if i go home. and you know what that means...yeah. major suckage. hopefully i can work something out though. i will work something out. i'm a determined little boy.

somewhere over the rainbow...

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 17:49:43 GMT

man, i dont even know what i've done lately...nothing all too special i guess. like, i was at school all last week, and the days just seem to slowly go down the drain. "slowly" being the operative word. like, i get up, i go to class, i finish class, and i sit around from 2:15-Midnight...which is usually my bed time. that's my usualy daily routine...and it kinda sucks. all i have to look forward to for these next few months is march 3rd. that one day is making these boring days and lonely nights all seem like theyre worth something.

ugh...on a more uplifting note, i went to trivia night at Hooter's on wednesday. we did decent in the beer category, and excellent in the nascar category. but at halftime i was all crazy in the dance contest. the song: Hammer Time, the dance move: Crazy convulsions, a shirt getting ripped off, and a little bit of a handstand thrown in there. that was fun though...one night where i didn't have my mind on her the whole time. it made it sorta easy to get through the night.

is this weird, or bad, or sick that all i can think about is her? i mean...honestly! i feel sorta stupid for putting this out on the internet for everyone to read, but at the same time i want people's opinions on my situation.

ok...well, its saturday and i'm home, and sorta bored. so i'm gonna watch a movie.

love nick

cuz i wanna! that's why!

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 22:13:28 GMT

yeh, so in addition to my last post, i remember that we all went to good ol' wegman's like every night, and we also went sledding on sunday. that was pretty badass. but i ripped my pants at the knee and now i look all '80s. i think they're my new favorite pants now. woohoo!! that is all. i just wanted people to know that i'm remembering again!

gine-o-saurus rex!

love nick

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 19:48:02 GMT

have i mentioned lately that i have the best roommate in the whole entire universe? i mean, who else would agree to take his car to drive for 17 hours up to new york state for a long-weekend-roadtrip?! no one that i can think of. and i mean that in all honesty! i'm just so fucking excited it's ridiculous. i can finally show all my friends (who havent gone back to school yet...which i think is most of 'em) who i talked about practically the whole break. i just can't wait to get there and show him where i came from, who my friends are, the places i used to hang out, the drugs i used to do, etc etc. ahh!! im just extatic! and blaine, if you read this, this is going to be an unexpected reunion and i better see your ass like it's my job.

much love- nicholas walker massa

as long as i'm alive, nostalgia will continue to kick my ass!

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 01:14:40 GMT

so tonight, my parents inform me that we are going out to dinner...and ya know what? that's just fine with me. i'm always down for a good meal at a restaurant. they originally propose chinese food, and we drive to where this place is, but it ends up looking like a strictly take out place, and i was like "let's go somewhere else." so we did. my parents begin thinking, and they like this place called folks!! what the hell is that, you might ask? well, apparently it's this "southern cooking" kinda place, and before we even get out of the car i knew that i was going to dread it.

they had something on the menu called "chicken fried chicken". what the fuck is that shit. i mean, is it chicken being fried by another chicken, or chicken being fried in the excramentory juices of itself?! there were lots of "southern" things like this on the menu, so i settled for cheese sticks. those are all-american, and i knew i could tolerate 'em. it was just the fact that my parents liked this place that got to me. and don't get me wrong, i love them both to death, but the fact that they are liking a "southern cooking" restaurant. i mean, come on guys! have you forgotten where we're from?! what about new york style bagels, and i a nice NY-Strip steak?! no no no, we want okra and chicken-fried-chicken tonight. i kinda wanted to cry a little bit.

i am turning southern.

and i dont like it.

pArk the cAr in hArvard yArd! (in the most syracuse accent i can muster).

love nick

tybee island is so small it wouldnt fit on my ass...

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 02:59:35 GMT

so yeah...i went back to school on monday. hung out. woohoo.

on tuesday, i hung out some more. woohoo again.

the real action started tuesday night when me and taylor were sitting around with megan and shibby. we were all discussing on another road trip, and shibby liked the slogan "If it's Tybee, you'll find it." So Tybee Island was our destination for the next day. so we got up at like 10:30, packed our shit up and headed east to the island. along the way, jenn called and was all sad that she didn't get to go, so we waited at a run down gas station (where we bought these badass orange beanies for 2 dollars) until she got there. so jenn arrives, and we continue our drive to the most eastern point in georgia. we call jay on our way to ask if he wants to meet us down there, and he did. so to pass the time while he drove, me taylor and steve jumped in the freezing cold ocean. what a way to get your balls in your stomach, let me tell you!

so jay arrives, and we start to drive around looking for a hotel. we find one for 50 bucks a night, and between 6 people that comes down to like 8 dollars a person, so it wasnt that bad at all. hotel time comes and goes, and so do showers, and dinner approached with a vengeance. we went to possibly the collest place ive ever eaten at. it was called "The Crab Shack" and it has a million stray cats all over, and a big alligator pit in the middle, and open fires everywhere, and chill music, and x-mas lights on all the trees, not to mention the whole place was on this big deck outside. i just loved it. it was really pretty.

when dinner was over, we went back to the hotel (which was backed up right to the beach, in case i didnt mention that earlier), and we drank at every score, first down, and commercial break of the USC vs. Oklahoma game. not to mention a rousing game of kings to top it off. after much drama, crying, walks on the beach, and some serious conversation, we decided to head on home (at 6:00 in the morning). a little more drama poked it's head outta the hole, and i drove for 3 1/2 hours back to good ol' MGC.

blah blah blah, nothing good happened for a while...

now i'm home, and i left my cigarettes in taylor's car. and that sucks.

"...light up, light up

as if you have a choice

even if you cannot hear my voice

i'll be right beside you dear..."

Snow Patrol - Run

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 04:39:38 GMT

damn, i'm in a pretty emo mood right now, and i'm not all too sure why. like...i was driving around just now, and i was listening to Brand New ("the boy who blocked his own shot" if anyone cares) and i was suddenly flooded with all these memories and my heart started racing and it was just really overwhelming. i've only been in georgia for 3 days and i can't wait to get back there. i mean, don't get me wrong, georgia isn't all that bad, i have taylor and my family, and a handful of other people, and nice weather, but i think i could handle a gloomy syracuse day right now. maybe be with a couple (or 8!) friends, and just be the happiest little boy in the whole wide world.

i think this lyric puts it perfectly:

i fall asleep with my friends around me

only place i know, i feel safe

i'm gonna call this home.

Jimmy Eat World - "The World You Love"

i hear that song and i like honestly just wanna break down and it hurts me to feel this way. new years eve just made it worse, too. during fireworks, elle called and that was probably the highlight of my night. after we talked, me and all the guys and kellie all went to Lou's house and drank and stuff. i ended up throwing up actually, and i blame a lot of that on depression. the whole night i couldnt stop thinking about what everyone was doing. how dan's was, what was going on in the basement, why i have to break a 3 year tradition just because my dad didn't feel like driving to the airport one more time. it's just so gay. but on the upside, frequent feelings about a certain someone are still rattling around in my head. probably the only thing keeping me sane right now...that and cigarettes. well, for any of the gnarly nine reading this, i love you and hope that your night was great, and i want you to know that i miss you terribly and spring break is only a couple months away. we will be reunited soon!

you are the smell before rain

you are the blood in my veins

call me a safe bet, i'm betting i'm not

love nick

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 05:35:56 GMT

wow! what an amazing 10 days! if anyone else were with me, theyd be bored out of their skulls, but i had the best time in new york. just being able to see everyone, to drink, to smoke, to talk and sing and dance with my best friends...theres just nothing like it in the whole world! this entry is going to be short cuz im seriously at a loss for words. i dont even know how to describe how it was...lets just say i was starting to think i might wanna transfer to UGA in a year or so, but now theres no doubt in my mind that new york is where i belong. i need to get back there, even if its the last thing i do, even if i have to clean out my bank account to do it! i will end up in new york somehow. on another note...would it be weird to have a crush on someone? like...so random, and it just fell into my lap, and theres nothing i can do about it! what the hell?! i guess thats just how it works sometimes. maybe fate will bring us together someday; or maybe im just looking way to deeply into this and i dont even know what i'm feeling. i bet its the latter of the two. anyway, ive also decided that im not gonna go friends only like i had originally intended. i just dont care if my dad reads this anymore. let him. this is how i am, and i shouldnt have to change just to appease someone...but yeah. i hope everyones christmas/hannakuh/etc were all super and i already miss my NY boys a ton. just so you all know, i cried the whole way from my grandmas to the rochester airport. thats right boys. 1 1/2 hour i cried for, my mom had to make me stop. i just want you all to know thats how much you mean to me. ok goodnight to everyone.

love nick.

Sun, 19 Dec 2004 17:40:38 GMT

yeah...well it turns out that my dad reads my livejournal and my deadjournal.

so! to keep from the constant critisizms, and everything that goes along with me saying how i really feel about things

this journal is going to be FRIENDS ONLY!!! from this point on.

so, if you want to be added as one of my "friends", comment and say so.

unless, you're already one of my friends, then you should be already set.

sorry, for the inconvenience, but this definitely has to be done. i can't take this man making me feel like shit anymore (and thats right dad, i said shit).

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 05:28:03 GMT

damn, i just took like 10 quizzes and put all of the pictures and all that jazz in my journal. and it didnt fucking work!!

what the hell...im a little pissed, to say the least.

so, tonight i guaged my ears again. they're 7/16". thats almost a whole half inch! alright!!

ok, well....im bored and tired and my mom is getting me up early tomorrow so i can do some heavy lifting for her. i cant wait!

p.s., who likes this little color scheme i got goin on?! i think its pretty snazzy!

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 18:18:29 GMT

*The \\*
Last Cigarette:	like an hour ago
Last Alcoholic Drink:	last night
Last Car Ride:	today on the way home
Last Kiss:	just over a week ago
Last Good Cry:	i dont remember
Last Library Book:	whats a library
Last book bought:	catch 22
Last Book Read:	perks of being a wallflower (for like the millionth time)
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:	ocean's 12
Last Movie Rented:	dreamcatcher
Last Cuss Word Uttered:	shit
Last Beverage Drank:	dr. pepper
Last Food Consumed:	gummy peaches
Last Crush:	kellie
Last Phone Call:	tried to call my mom...no answer
Last TV Show Watched:	watching family matters right now
Last Time Showered:	this morning....7:30ish?
Last Shoes Worn:	moccasins
Last CD Played:	senses fail - let it enfold you
Last Item Bought:	hawthorne heights t-shirt
Last Download:	coheed and cambria - "blood red summer" music video
Last Annoyance:	this raging case of herpes
Last Disappointment:	im home alone....::tear::
Last Soda Drank:	dr. pepper
Last Thing Written:	a letter to someone...
Last Key Used:	key to open the house
Last Words Spoken:	'oh, shit'
Last Sleep:	last night...from 1ish to 7:30
Last Ice Cream Eaten:	strawberry shortcake ice cream
Last Chair Sat In:	this computer chair
Last Webpage Visited:	livejournal.com
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 03:39:15 GMT

Blaine wrote me this poem...and i love him. hes my bestest friend ever....i want everyone to see what this boy thinks of me.

Dearest Nicky,
I made you a poem…

I miss your Little nicky smile,
And your little nicky nose
I miss the little nicky hairs
On your little nicky toes

I miss your little nicky piercings
And your little nicky tat
I miss your little nicky hair
Beneath your little nicky hat

I miss your little nicky vocals
And your little nicky mind
I miss your little nicky pants
With the hole in the behind

I miss your little nicky friendship
( Multiplied by pi )
And this little nicky poem I wrote
Because im really high

I miss your little nicky swing
When you serve a volleyball
But I miss my little nick himself
Clearly, most of all

I also have a story for you…

So I have this acquaintance, whose name is mike. Shady mike, they call him. Anyways, shady mike lives in my building, and we hang out every now and then. He’s a real swell kinda guy. So earlier tonight I heard Mike took 58 prozac pills, and had to be taken to the hospital. Just now, he ran into my room wearing a lavender open-backed hospital gown, spattered with blood. As luck would have it, Mike (shady coke-head Mike) woke up in the hospital, freaked out, tore out his i.v. (which bled profusely) and ran like 20 blocks to get here, pursued by people from the hospital. So now he’s “hiding out” on my bed, as security guards are knocking on doors in the hall. The End.

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 03:42:04 GMT

Mackenzie Rocks ....

...my fucking socks off

what am i gonna do?!

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 20:41:29 GMT

so...ive been pretty much dreading this weekend since i knew it was coming about. kellie is coming up, and lets just say stuff hasnt been a bed of roses. i just dont know what to do with her or say to her. im just nervous to see her. nervous to see my own damn girlfriend! like...its been constant fighting for the past couple weeks and i just feel so useless. im apparently not a good boyfriend, she doesnt think i like her, etc etc. ugh, whatever though.

haha!! i just now decided i'm going to get a tattoo tonight. its going to say "barksdale". im fucking excited as hell. looks like kellie will go and taylor. i cant fucking wait. it all depends on how much money its going to cost though. under 50 bucks? its mine.

ok...well thats it for now. gotta call the tattoo place. peace ladies and fellas.

time to update, baby!

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 03:09:24 GMT

man, its been a while i guess. apparently i'm not as used to this livejournal thing as i thought i was. well! lemme start at my birthday i guess. last monday kellie was here for my big day and i got some underwear, a new jacket, a lego man, and the awesomeness of her company (which is all i wanted in the first place). then all the guys pitched in together and brought a cake in the room with "F-U! Happy Birthday Nick" on it. that was sweet. it's nice to know that i have friends here at school who actually care about me. on tuesday i went home for thanksgiving break and got a ton of money, a few movies (big fish and requiem for a dream), another new jacket and some other stuff i can't remember. i pretty much spent every day with taylor. nothing all too earth shattering happened though. just some good clean fun. on saturday me and taylor went to the Georgia Tech vs. Georgia game and stupidly decided to not wear shirts and paint our bodies red. well...i pussied out and put my shirt on before the game even started, and according to all the black guys on the street Taylor is a "real man." it started to pour and i was freezing anyway cuz i only had a tshirt and a thin hoodie (did i mention it was about 40 degrees?!) we got so cold that we decided to leave at half time. came home. showered. went back to athens and partied it up. we were gonna sleep on this girl's floor who taylor knows but i decided that was not cool and told him we were goin home. so we did. to my house. and slept there instead.

the next night we went and saw polar express at the movies. it was really good.

now i'm at school and jack shit has been going on. quite typical for cochran.

also!! we won our soccer game last week and our team is in the championship game!! go harris hall baby!!

well...thats all for now kids. hope you had a great time. come back soon to the MAGIC STORY CARPET!!